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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140974">A Mind of Thoughts and Secrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeMyselfandI2008/pseuds/MeMyselfandI2008'>MeMyselfandI2008</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>He’s Jerry [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rick and Morty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mentioned Episode s03e05 The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy, One Shot, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:55:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,972</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeMyselfandI2008/pseuds/MeMyselfandI2008</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jerry felt a ghost touching him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jerry Smith/Original Male Character(s), Rick Sanchez &amp; Jerry Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>He’s Jerry [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Mind of Thoughts and Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I just really needed more of Rick caring about Jerry, and Jerry finally getting some of his problems touched on, because I have a feeling it might never happen in the show.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jerry sucked in a sharp breath, blinking several times as his vision adjusted to the bedroom that was being dimly lit by moonlight slipping in through the curtains. He sat up slowly, turning to stare at his wife sleeping peacefully beside him. Carefully, he got up from the bed, letting go of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, trying to ignore the weight of hands on his body.</p><p>After quietly making his way downstairs, he paused at the bottom, watching the brightly lit moving pictures on the TV screen and listening to the faint sounds of voices mixing with soft snoring that he could only assume was from Rick. He silently debated on waking up his father-in-law, seeing if he'd like to move to his own room, but decided against it.</p><p>
  <em>"You're too old to be so shy..."</em>
</p><p>Jerry bit back a flinch at the gravelly voice that rang in his ears, the hand on his thigh and the scent of cheap champagne hitting his nose. Shakily, he walked into the kitchen, digging through one of the cabinets to find a box of vanilla wafers. He opened it and began to eat, keeping his gaze on the floor, trying desperately to remind himself where he was—that everything was okay, that <em>he</em> was okay.</p><p>"The fuck are you doing up?" Rick's slurred voice filled the quiet of the dark kitchen.</p><p>"Oh," Jerry glanced up at him, body tensing, "Uh—I just—sorry, I mean, if I—I woke you up," he stuttered out, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat.</p><p>Rick stared at Jerry with mild interest, then glanced at the box in his hand, "You gonna share?" he asked, pointing to the box as he approached the younger man.</p><p>"S—sure," Jerry replied, placing the box on the counter, "Help yourself..."</p><p>With that, Rick took the box and began to wolf down the snack, leaving the two in an awkward (or maybe Jerry just found it awkward) silence for several seconds, only being broken once Rick had finished what he had in his mouth, "You never answered my question," he said, "Why are you up?"</p><p>"I was hungry," Jerry lied, shrugging his shoulders, "Why do you even care?" he shifted his gaze to the side, "Thought you hated me, or something."</p><p>"Just tryin' to make conversation, Jer," the scientist replied simply, taking a bite of another wafer cookie. He would have thrown back some insult, or probably made a half hearted threat about something, but he was too tired and sober to really care.</p><p>There was another beat of awkward silence as Rick held out the box towards him, giving it a light shake. Jerry raised an eyebrow at the gesture, but decided not to question it, reaching into the box to pull out more cookies for himself. He had to admit, it was odd, the whole situation. Rick was being unusually nice to him—hell, if a stranger saw them, they'd think Rick actually cared about him. Maybe some small part of Rick did, now that Jerry thought about it. He briefly recalled the conversation they shared on their fake adventure together, right after the roller coaster crash.</p><p><em>"</em>I<em> survive because I know everything, that snake survives because children wander off, and </em>you<em> survive because people think, 'Oh, this poor piece a shit! He never gets a break!'" Rick ranted, gathering up various items off the ground to build his machine, "I can't stand the deafening silent wails of his wilting soul! I guess I'll hire him, or marry him, or </em>have a drink with<em>—" his breath caught in his throat, eyes wide at what he had just said—just </em>admitted<em>.</em></p><p>
  <em>Jerry raised an eyebrow, "Wait, what...?" had he heard Rick right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rick glared down at him, "I said, suck my dick," his voice was unusually quiet, words coming out more defeated than harsh.</em>
</p><p>"Rick," Jerry spoke up, breaking the quiet in the room, "Can I... talk to you... about something?"</p><p>The question earned him a raised eyebrow, as Rick chewed the food in his mouth.</p><p>"Um, during our fake adventure together, you..." he rubbed the back of his neck, gaze shifting to the side, throat tight with nerves, "I just..." he felt tears start to form at the corners of his eyes, mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something, <em>anything</em> to say instead of just standing in the dark with a stupid expression on his face. He just—he wanted to <em>talk</em> to someone about it. He had thought about bringing it up to Beth, but when he <em>had</em> brought it up, she didn't seem to understand what he was talking about.</p><p>"Jerry," Rick felt weird, awkward, as he watched his son-in-law start crying for reasons he couldn't even begin to imagine, "What—?" he paused, placing the box on the counter and shifting his gaze, reminding himself that he had to be careful, that this was an unfamiliar situation, and as much as he <em>wanted</em> to just dismiss Jerry like he usually did, this felt... important. He sighed, turning his focus back to the younger man, "What's... wrong, Jerry?”</p><p>His voice was quiet, gentle. It was a tone Jerry wasn't used to hearing, and probably never would be. He couldn't help the sob that left him, trying to ignore the hand pressing against his neck, tugging at his hair, lifting up his shirt, "Rick... I..." he tried to wipe away the tears that continued to flow down his face, "It was my fault, I should have done something, I should have—" he sucked in a shaky breath, stomach twisting into knots as he tried desperately to speak, to explain everything.</p><p>On any other day, Rick probably would have agreed with what he was saying, but something told him, some part buried deep in the back of his head, that now was not one of those days. He carefully reached out a hand towards him.</p><p>Jerry had to stop himself from flinching away. This was <em>Rick</em>, he tried to remind himself, this wasn't <em>him</em>.</p><p>"Jerry, hey, let's—let's sit down, yeah?" Rick spoke gently, placing a hand on Jerry's shoulder and slowly guiding him to the dining room table, "Take your time," he advised, briefly glancing at the glowing, green numbers that flashed on the stove, "We've got all morning."</p><p>Once the two were seated at the table, Jerry's sobs slowly shifted into whimpers as he desperately tried to think of some way to calm his loud heartbeat. Rick wasn't sure what to do, so he just sat beside him, waiting to listen. He briefly recalled what happened to Morty, and if he could, he'd probably do exactly the same thing he had in that situation in this one, but some part of him told him it was already too late to do anything, that the person that hurt Jerry was already dead in the dirt.</p><p>"Today's my birthday..." Jerry's voice was so quiet, Rick almost missed what he said.</p><p>The statement had caught him off guard, leaving him with an opened mouth that he couldn't quite form words with, so he was left sitting in silence. He wondered if he should have wished him a happy birthday, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that, for as long as he had known Jerry, he never mentioned his birthday. He hadn't even heard Morty or Summer mention it in passing yesterday.</p><p>"I used to like celebrating," he continued on, still so quiet, "It was just me, my mom, and my dad, but it was still fun..." he trailed off, throat tight, blinking back tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.</p><p>There was more to it—there <em>had</em> to be, Rick figured. He wanted to ask for more details, but he knew he didn't have any right to. In the end, none of it was his business, but he'd be damned if he just left Jerry in the kitchen by himself. It was obvious he needed someone to talk to, so, no matter how weird it made him feel, how awkward it'd be for the next few days, he'd be that someone.</p><p>"One day, he had gotten me this stupid card," Jerry chuckled softly at the memory, a small smile slipping onto his face, "It had some pun written on it, can't remember what though."</p><p>Rick briefly debated on asking who this "he" was, but thought better on it, remaining quiet. He watched Jerry's face, listening carefully to every word he was saying, waiting for the right time to speak, if he should speak at all.</p><p>"Sorry," Jerry muttered, looking up at Rick, "I just... I didn't hate the card, but remembering it now, it makes me sick," he gave a small shrug, trying to ignore the knots in his stomach and the guilt that settled in his mind, <em>Rick doesn't care about you or your problems—no one does; you sound pathetic,</em> "Looking back on everything, how much of a fuck up I am, maybe it <em>was</em> all my fault..."</p><p>"It wasn't—" Rick spoke up suddenly, surprising both himself and Jerry, "It... wasn't your fault."</p><p>There was a beat of silence as the words registered in Jerry's brain, blinking back tears that wanted to spill from his eyes because of the overwhelming wave of relief that washed over him. He had imagined hearing those words from Beth, his parents, but he never once thought he'd hear them from Rick; and yet, that somehow made them feel all the more true, genuine.</p><p>He found his voice, "Wh...at...?"</p><p>"Jerry, you're a—" careful, be <em>careful</em>. Rick closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them and putting his attention solely on his son-in-law, "I've... never believed a damn word that you've said since I've known you, so..." he paused, silently hoping he was saying the right words, that he was saying what Jerry needed to hear, that he wasn't just creating a bigger rift between them, "Why would I start now?"</p><p>A chuckle, then a smile, "I..." a pause, "Thank you... Rick," and when those words left him, for the first time since they've known each other, a calm settled over them.</p><p>It accrued to Jerry that the calm would disappear, come breakfast, but a part of him didn't care. Despite all their bickering, despite the harsh words they'd throw at each other, the moment they shared in the calm was enough for him to know that some part of Rick cared about him, and that was just fine.</p><p>+</p><p>As expected, breakfast went on as normal. Jerry was cleaning up the dirty dishes by the sink, Morty and Summer had a small spat about who had to clean out the attic, Beth stared out the window, taking a sip of her wine, rethinking everything in her life, all while Rick tinkered with a device that he wasn't all too sure what he wanted it to do yet.</p><p>No one seemed to notice the shift in atmosphere between Jerry and Rick, at least not until the younger man suddenly appeared at his side, placing a glass of orange juice next to Rick's plate of food.</p><p>A silence settled over the table as the kids and Beth shifted their focus to the two men, waiting to see the outcome of the situation.</p><p>Rick flicked his gaze between the drink and Jerry, who simply gave him a small nod of acknowledgement before heading back to the sink to finish the dishes.</p><p>Beth turned her focus to her dad, opening her mouth to question what exactly just happened. She barely got her question out, before Rick suddenly stood up, grumbling about needing Morty's help with something in the garage as he picked up the drink and practically dragged Morty to said room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Also, if anyone is curious, I actually used the episode dialogue from the animatic version of the Whirly Dirly Episode.</p><p>So at some point, they did plan to put that in, but it got cut for one reason or another.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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